remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
