my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
