This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
