Well douche your snatch and let's go!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
