this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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