Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Randomize
