This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
