Cold hands, warm shart.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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