if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
