there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
