P.S. I can't hear my feet
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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