I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
