Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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