He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
