I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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