The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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