my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
