I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
