if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
