Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
