that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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