This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
