Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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