I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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