My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Randomize
