You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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