what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
