my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
