I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
