can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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