I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Randomize
