My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
