Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle