walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
