I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
Will you blow on my dice?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window