I got chris browned last night
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably