Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(721): View more from

That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.

(703): View more from Virginia

omg, i know.

(721): View more from

we're too high.

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(721): That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure. (703): omg, i know. (721): we're too high. http://tfl.nu/fbyr

Replies (26) Good night (1667) Bad night (598)
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(708): View more from Illinois

Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy

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(708): Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy http://tfl.nu/5os8

Replies (25) Good night (773) Bad night (2829)
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(970): View more from Colorado

Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude

(1-970): View more from Colorado

You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?

(970): View more from Colorado

Shut the hell up.

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(970): Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude (1-970): You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ? (970): Shut the hell up. http://tfl.nu/g01x

Replies (38) Good night (950) Bad night (2044)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.

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(617): living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST. http://tfl.nu/nhyx

Replies (20) Good night (3851) Bad night (595)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.

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(864): Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common. http://tfl.nu/z1qj

Replies (7) Good night (838) Bad night (3401)
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat

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(414): My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat http://tfl.nu/5lfj

Replies (63) Good night (11877) Bad night (2191)
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(319): View more from Iowa

Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.

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(319): Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now. http://tfl.nu/g0lg

Replies (5) Good night (3740) Bad night (1157)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?

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(603): sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall? http://tfl.nu/ejbk

Replies (8) Good night (2224) Bad night (903)
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(847): View more from Illinois

Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.

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(847): Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy. http://tfl.nu/37ux

Replies (13) Good night (2741) Bad night (1021)
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(519): View more from Ontario

I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub

(1-519): View more from Ontario

I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.

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(519): I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub (1-519): I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first. http://tfl.nu/l0a0

Replies (5) Good night (1713) Bad night (900)
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(804): View more from Virginia

I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.

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(804): I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for. http://tfl.nu/5fqm

Replies (2) Good night (1638) Bad night (639)
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(937): View more from Ohio

The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.

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(937): The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you. http://tfl.nu/7sfe

Replies (3) Good night (697) Bad night (474)
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(478): View more from Georgia

I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."

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(478): I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions." http://tfl.nu/mmu9

Replies (4) Good night (839) Bad night (482)
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(708): View more from Illinois

was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?

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(708): was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time? http://tfl.nu/ea5t

Replies (5) Good night (919) Bad night (346)
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(714): View more from California

The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.

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(714): The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them. http://tfl.nu/1xdv

Replies (4) Good night (518) Bad night (367)

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