I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN