bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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