were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂