so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
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Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
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I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕