I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude