Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  Mike i'm at church right now...

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  (214): I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis... (1-214): Mike i'm at church right now... http://tfl.nu/uslc
  Replies (17) Good night (4441) Bad night (1150)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes

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  (972): how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes http://tfl.nu/yix3
  Replies (73) Good night (1157) Bad night (3860)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...

  (559): View more from California

  ...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!

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  (559): i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers... (559): ...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win! http://tfl.nu/147d
  Replies (29) Good night (7184) Bad night (1006)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.

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  (609): That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me. http://tfl.nu/oade
  Replies (4) Good night (1040) Bad night (3565)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.

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  (563): I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay. http://tfl.nu/8krm
  Replies (3) Good night (946) Bad night (2872)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.

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  (856): I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything. http://tfl.nu/b77d
  Replies (8) Good night (3968) Bad night (910)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.

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  (949): So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls. http://tfl.nu/e640
  Replies (4) Good night (2299) Bad night (796)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...

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  (415): also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable... http://tfl.nu/fb10
  Replies (9) Good night (701) Bad night (1532)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again

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  (503): i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again http://tfl.nu/nar2
  Replies (5) Good night (838) Bad night (461)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.

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  (218): We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand. http://tfl.nu/ljk5
  Replies (2) Good night (593) Bad night (663)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.

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  (425): THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES. http://tfl.nu/y1ns
  Replies (9) Good night (1087) Bad night (788)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.

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  (570): If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit. (1-570): As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no. http://tfl.nu/hlm9
  Replies (4) Good night (1366) Bad night (533)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  see that vagina ? that vagina means business

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  (931): see that vagina ? that vagina means business http://tfl.nu/d7zl
  Replies (4) Good night (683) Bad night (376)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.

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  (917): I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady. http://tfl.nu/stai
  Replies (1) Good night (447) Bad night (298)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.

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  (317): He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass. http://tfl.nu/vcg7
  Replies (2) Good night (361) Bad night (237)

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