i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
