Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
