I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize