This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize