ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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