oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
