I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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