Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
