i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
