I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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