No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
