I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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