I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
