I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
