3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
