I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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