Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
