put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
