Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
