Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
