Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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