i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
