dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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