It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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