so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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