Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
