Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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