So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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