I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
