It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Damn victory sex feels great
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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