you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
