i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
