Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
