Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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