On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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